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ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

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ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby Owys Zemir » Thu Jan 28, 2010 4:23 pm

Aadab Arz!

Jon Alia sahib ke misre "ham kahaaN aur tum kahaaN jaanaaN" par aik ghazal kehne ki jasaarat ki hai. Ehbaab ki aaraa ka muntazir rahoun ga.

Duaoon ka talib.
Zemir.
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Re: ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby azeezbelgaumi » Fri Jan 29, 2010 11:03 am

Biradar-e-Mohataram Jajab Owys Zemir Saheb,

Salam-o-rahmat

Aapki Gazal Khubsurat hai. Mazeed Khubsurat hoti agar aap Khud par jabr karte huye 14 asha'ar me se 7 sheirouN ka intekhab kartey.. Hamare asaatezaa aksar hameiN nasihat karte ke 30 sheir kaho. 25 sheir nadi meiN bahaa do. 5 sheir baaqi rakho.. Agarche ye bahut mushkil hai lekin bainus Sutoor meiN maujood paigaam samajhna mushkil nahiN.

Is Kamyaab Gazal par Mubarakbad.

Aakhri Sheir par nazr-e-Caani farmayeN.(kaandhe wala sheri)....

Allah Khush rakhe..

Azeez Belgaumi
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Re: ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby suhailsaqib » Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:30 pm

Mohtaram Zemir Saheb

Sail e mumtana mein buhat achi kawish hai. Achey ashaar tehreer farmaey hain aap nay.

Mein Janab Azeez saheb sey mutaffiq houn. Ashaar ki taadad ziyada hona ghazal ki raunaq ghata daita hai. Aap nay Mashallah buhat achey aur munfarid khayalat kuch ashaar mein tehreer kiyey hain. Chhoti baher hai 8-9 ashaar tuk bhi baat chal jai gi. Magar selection aap ka apna hai.

Aap ko achi ghazal per meri janaib say "Subhan Allah"

Duaoon mein yaad rakhiey ga

Suhail Saqib
Dammam, Saudi Arabia
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Re: ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby sajhashmi » Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:50 pm

jabb ye ghazal baSrah nawaz houi to mei ser serii dekh ker reh gaya mager achanek
SERD MUSLIM KA QALB O JAAn JanaN miscra peRha tau chounk gaya.....Aap se
ghaliban ujlet mei ye seHov houa hoga........aik houa Qalb doosri JaaN to ye
likha jaiega Serd Musslim kay Qalb eo JaaN JaanaaN
ummid k aienda ghazal post kertey houey nazr e suani ki zehmat zaroor kareingay
Shukriya apni umda ghazal peRhwaney ka
Syed Anwer Jawaid Hashmi,Karachi :)
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Re: ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby shafeeqnadvi » Mon Feb 01, 2010 8:42 pm

Mohtaram Zameer Saheb.
Mashq-e-sukhan jarii rahe. Kuch ashaAr ko mamoolii tabdiliyon ke sath dobara likh leiN, Mausiqiyat mein izafa hojaega.

Shehre aAshob ka bayan Jana'N
ladh kadhati meri zaban Jana'N

Phans gaya hooN mai'N qaid hastii mei'N
Kitna Mushkil hai, Imteha'N Jana'N

Tauq-e- Qismat Gale meiN aAweza'N
Mare phirte yaha'N waha'N Jana'N

Jal gaya jism, Rooh bhii jhulsii
Zindigii hai Dhuwa'N Dhuwa'N Jana'N

Bat gaya jism kitne Tukdoo'N mei'N
Dil magar tera aAshiya'N Jana'N

Ungliya'N hogaiei'N figar apnii
Khoo'N chaka'N meri dasta'N jaja'N

Rauzan dil mei'N ab Zameer Bujha
Hai qiyamat ka ye Nisha'N Jana'N
shafeeqnadvi
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Re: ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby Owys Zemir » Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:21 am

azeezbelgaumi wrote:Biradar-e-Mohataram Jajab Owys Zemir Saheb,

Salam-o-rahmat

Aapki Gazal Khubsurat hai. Mazeed Khubsurat hoti agar aap Khud par jabr karte huye 14 asha'ar me se 7 sheirouN ka intekhab kartey.. Hamare asaatezaa aksar hameiN nasihat karte ke 30 sheir kaho. 25 sheir nadi meiN bahaa do. 5 sheir baaqi rakho.. Agarche ye bahut mushkil hai lekin bainus Sutoor meiN maujood paigaam samajhna mushkil nahiN.

Is Kamyaab Gazal par Mubarakbad.

Aakhri Sheir par nazr-e-Caani farmayeN.(kaandhe wala sheri)....

Allah Khush rakhe..

Azeez Belgaumi


Belgaumi Sahib Aadab Arz!
ghazal pasand farmane par tahe dil se mamnoon houn. Baat aap ki durust hai, magar saare ashaar ehbaab ki khidmat mein is umeed par post kiye ke aap aise ahle sukhan ki mojoudgi mein ache ash'aar ki nishandahi ho jaey gi.
aap ki tawajju aur inayat par bahut mashkoor...
Zemir.
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Re: ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby Owys Zemir » Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:26 am

suhailsaqib wrote:Mohtaram Zemir Saheb

Sail e mumtana mein buhat achi kawish hai. Achey ashaar tehreer farmaey hain aap nay.

Mein Janab Azeez saheb sey mutaffiq houn. Ashaar ki taadad ziyada hona ghazal ki raunaq ghata daita hai. Aap nay Mashallah buhat achey aur munfarid khayalat kuch ashaar mein tehreer kiyey hain. Chhoti baher hai 8-9 ashaar tuk bhi baat chal jai gi. Magar selection aap ka apna hai.

Aap ko achi ghazal per meri janaib say "Subhan Allah"

Duaoon mein yaad rakhiey ga

Suhail Saqib
Dammam, Saudi Arabia


Saqib sahib aadab arz!
ghazal pasand farmane ka behad shukriya. Belgaumi sahib aur aap ki naseehat maan li hai, aaenda intikhaab khud kar loon ga.
nihayat shukar guzar houn aap ki tawajju aur muhabbat ka.
Zemir.
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Re: ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby Owys Zemir » Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:29 am

sajhashmi wrote:jabb ye ghazal baSrah nawaz houi to mei ser serii dekh ker reh gaya mager achanek
SERD MUSLIM KA QALB O JAAn JanaN miscra peRha tau chounk gaya.....Aap se
ghaliban ujlet mei ye seHov houa hoga........aik houa Qalb doosri JaaN to ye
likha jaiega Serd Musslim kay Qalb eo JaaN JaanaaN
ummid k aienda ghazal post kertey houey nazr e suani ki zehmat zaroor kareingay
Shukriya apni umda ghazal peRhwaney ka
Syed Anwer Jawaid Hashmi,Karachi :)


Hashmi sahib aadab arz!

Ghazal pasand farmane ka behad shukriya. Mein bahut mamnoon houn. ghalti ki nishandahi par shukriya, mein pehli fursat mein edit kiye deta houn.

Zemir.
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Re: ghazal: shehre aashob ka bayaaN jaanaaN

Postby Owys Zemir » Tue Feb 09, 2010 6:24 pm

shafeeqnadvi wrote:Mohtaram Zameer Saheb.
Mashq-e-sukhan jarii rahe. Kuch ashaAr ko mamoolii tabdiliyon ke sath dobara likh leiN, Mausiqiyat mein izafa hojaega.

Shehre aAshob ka bayan Jana'N
ladh kadhati meri zaban Jana'N

Phans gaya hooN mai'N qaid hastii mei'N
Kitna Mushkil hai, Imteha'N Jana'N

Tauq-e- Qismat Gale meiN aAweza'N
Mare phirte yaha'N waha'N Jana'N

Jal gaya jism, Rooh bhii jhulsii
Zindigii hai Dhuwa'N Dhuwa'N Jana'N

Bat gaya jism kitne Tukdoo'N mei'N
Dil magar tera aAshiya'N Jana'N

Ungliya'N hogaiei'N figar apnii
Khoo'N chaka'N meri dasta'N jaja'N

Rauzan dil mei'N ab Zameer Bujha
Hai qiyamat ka ye Nisha'N Jana'N


Nadvi Sahib aadab arz!
aap ki hosla afzai aur rahnumai par tahe dil se mashkoor houn.

Zemir.
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